Run Run Away

Question:

> I don’t think it would have worked well. I have a pretty clear understanding of > my limitations, and that was obviously way over the line at this point. Now I > just hope feeling like shit over this doesn’t set me back in my social > endeavors at work. The whole competing with other guys thing really makes me > feel shitty. Usually, I just don’t feel I can compete……looks-wise, social > status-wise, money-wise, I lose on all counts. Even when I see a girl with a > guy, and I’m clearly better looking than the guy, I just assume it’s because he > has a lot more money than me, and has more social status.

Like the animal kingdom, there are thousands of men to compete with over the woman and only the best survive, the rest are on the sidelines rejected by women doomed to be a genetic deadend on the family tree.

Response:

>AWW! >Trance, I’m sorry >That sucks.  You would have done a good job.

Maybe another time, if I can get some support for it.

Response:

>Isn’t there some way you can say "fuck it" to this >idea of *impressing* women? It’s keeping you from meeting people who >don’t care where you shop or what kind of car you drive.

I don’t know, LM……..I’ve tried going to the places where people are kind of anti-materialist…..believe it or not we *do* have a couple places like that. I like their music, but I actually feel like I fit in even less at those places. You know what I need to do? I need to meet the kind of girl who doesn’t go out clubbing and partying, because she gets up at 6:30AM to go jogging. I need to start entering road races on a regular basis, and make attempts to meet some of the women there. Running only 2-3 5Ks a year and not talking to anyone while I’m there isn’t much of an effort. The thing is, I’m most afraid to approach the kinds of women I’d like the most. I look at a fit girl out on a bike, or out jogging or whatever, and I figure she probably thinks she’s too hot for me or something……even though I probably work just as hard at staying fit as she does. I always seem to forget that I’ve put in 9 straight years at the gym; I easily revert back to being the awkward, gawky 14 year old when I’m around women I’m attracted to.

Response:

….I have that speed dating thing in less than 48 hours. Am I afraid? I sure am. I’m trying to think of what I might say, and I’m drawing blanks. I’ve got 25 women…..3 minutes each. Any general conversational gameplans I might use? This may seem like I’m asking for the obvious, but when I’m nervous the obvious doesn’t necessarily come easily. You get a coupon for a drink…..but I’m thinking no alcohol, coffee instead. I want to be energetic, excited, and focused. Plus, I notice that when I’ve had coffee, and I’m being social, I get this nice flushed, kinda light-headed pins-and-needles feeling.

Response:

Trance909 <trance…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20021112015445.10905.00000200@mb-fh.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> ….I have that speed dating thing in less than 48 hours. Am I afraid? I sure > am. I’m trying to think of what I might say, and I’m drawing blanks. > I’ve got 25 women…..3 minutes each. Any general conversational gameplans I > might use? This may seem like I’m asking for the obvious, but when I’m nervous > the obvious doesn’t necessarily come easily. > You get a coupon for a drink…..but I’m thinking no alcohol, coffee instead. I > want to be energetic, excited, and focused. Plus, I notice that when I’ve had > coffee, and I’m being social, I get this nice flushed, kinda light-headed > pins-and-needles feeling.

Well, for 3 minutes, you’d better get to the point quick.

Response:

<….I have that speed dating thing in less than 48 hours.> What is this?

Response:

** BamaPhoenix2001 ** > What is this?

"[...] one of those speed-dating things where you talk to 25 different women for 3 minutes each." http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=1e06b466.0210291257.3a185642%40p…. google.com

Response:

trance…@aol.com (Trance909) wrote: > ….I have that speed dating thing in less than 48 hours. Am I afraid? I sure > am. I’m trying to think of what I might say, and I’m drawing blanks. > I’ve got 25 women…..3 minutes each. Any general conversational gameplans I > might use? This may seem like I’m asking for the obvious, but when I’m nervous > the obvious doesn’t necessarily come easily.

I was actually thinking about this too, if I decide to do the one in my hometown (sometime in December).  You probably ought to have several questions prepared to ask, and not necessarily the same questions to each woman.  For myself, I was thinking:  What do you for a living? What are some of your interests/hobbies?  What kinds of music/movies do you like?  What do you read?   Assuming I’m physically attracted to the woman (which I would pretty much know instantaneously), the next thing I’d want to find out is what’s in her brain.  If she has stupid music tastes or doesn’t read or doesn’t have any of the same interests that I have, I can easily scratch her off the list. Three minutes doesn’t allow you to get much more than "just the facts, ma’am."  I wouldn’t bank on any clever conversational gameplans.  But then, given my experience with women, maybe you shouldn’t be paying any attention to me. > You get a coupon for a drink…..but I’m thinking no alcohol, coffee instead.

Hmmm, I personally would be more relaxed with at least one beer. Not more than that, though.

Response:

>Well, for 3 minutes, you’d better get to the point quick.

I’m sitting here this morning and I still can’t believe I signed up for this. I tried to get a good amount of sleep…….and I did get to sleep rather early but I still feel tired. Shit, this isn’t gonna work very well. Wish someone could go with me……..because I’m going to have a hard time sauntering in there alone this evening.

Response:

On Wed 13 Nov 2002 06:12:48a, Trance909 knelt before Her Imperial Highness and in a most grave and reverent tone said: >>Well, for 3 minutes, you’d better get to the point quick. > I’m sitting here this morning and I still can’t believe I signed up > for this. I tried to get a good amount of sleep…….and I did get to > sleep rather early but I still feel tired. Shit, this isn’t gonna work > very well. Wish someone could go with me……..because I’m going to > have a hard time sauntering in there alone this evening.

Aw, you can do it. Forget you’re trying to "meet" anyone, just walk in and try to have fun talking to each one of the ladies.  They’re scared too, and they’re probably not even shy.  Go and help them feel at ease, get to know them in your little 3 minute period.  Then come home and think about how many girls you talked to that day and what great practice that was. I promise, the women are at home thinking "I can’t believe I signed up for this", only they’re also obsessing over what shoes to wear.  :)

Response:

>Aw, you can do it.

I obviously can’t. I chickened out. I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes and couldn’t bring myself to walk in the door. I didn’t even get a chance to worry about what I was going to say, because I was worried about getting myself in the door in the first place. I watched the men and women go into the place discreetly, from behind my steering wheel. The women……from what I could see, they were basically average Latin women…….you wouldn’t consider them gorgeous, but at the same time I wouldn’t consider them unattractive either…….I doubt I would have matched up with any of them but it would have been good practice regardless. I suck The men………this was actually part of what scared me…….from what I saw of the men, I really felt small and inadequate. The men seemed a lot better looking than the women. They were all at LEAST as tall as me (5′11") and most were taller. They were all in shape……at least as good a shape as me, and some even more muscular. Furthermore, they all seemed to drive more impressive cars than my little Civic……they all probably make more money than me. I tried dressing my best, got a haircut, put my best pair of shoes on……..but I still felt very intimidated by the guys I saw going in there. So Ness, here it is……..if I really thought I was that good-looking, I would have been able to walk in there confidently, without a problem. I obviously could not do that…….so it doesn’t really matter what I said in some Googled post…..the weight of the real world evidence indicates otherwise. Captain Moron, eat your heart out (again)

Response:

On Wed 13 Nov 2002 08:40:54p, Trance909 knelt before Her Imperial Highness and in a most grave and reverent tone said: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>Aw, you can do it. > I obviously can’t. > I chickened out. > I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes and couldn’t bring myself to > walk in the door. I didn’t even get a chance to worry about what I was > going to say, because I was worried about getting myself in the door > in the first place. > I watched the men and women go into the place discreetly, from behind > my steering wheel. The women……from what I could see, they were > basically average Latin women…….you wouldn’t consider them > gorgeous, but at the same time I wouldn’t consider them unattractive > either…….I doubt I would have matched up with any of them but it > would have been good practice regardless. I suck > The men………this was actually part of what scared me…….from > what I saw of the men, I really felt small and inadequate. The men > seemed a lot better looking than the women. They were all at LEAST as > tall as me (5′11") and most were taller. They were all in > shape……at least as good a shape as me, and some even more > muscular. Furthermore, they all seemed to drive more impressive cars > than my little Civic……they all probably make more money than me. I > tried dressing my best, got a haircut, put my best pair of shoes > on……..but I still felt very intimidated by the guys I saw going in > there. > So Ness, here it is……..if I really thought I was that > good-looking, I would have been able to walk in there confidently, > without a problem. I obviously could not do that…….so it doesn’t > really matter what I said in some Googled post…..the weight of the > real world evidence indicates otherwise. > Captain Moron, eat your heart out (again)

AWW! Trance, I’m sorry That sucks.  You would have done a good job.

Response:

"Trance909" <trance…@aol.com> schrieb im Newsbeitrag news:20021113214054.14863.00000008@mb-cd.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >Aw, you can do it. > I obviously can’t. > I chickened out. > I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes and couldn’t bring myself to walk in > the door. I didn’t even get a chance to worry about what I was going to say, > because I was worried about getting myself in the door in the first place. > I watched the men and women go into the place discreetly, from behind my > steering wheel. The women……from what I could see, they were basically > average Latin women…….you wouldn’t consider them gorgeous, but at the same > time I wouldn’t consider them unattractive either…….I doubt I would have > matched up with any of them but it would have been good practice regardless. I > suck > The men………this was actually part of what scared me…….from what I saw > of the men, I really felt small and inadequate. The men seemed a lot better > looking than the women. They were all at LEAST as tall as me (5′11") and most > were taller. They were all in shape……at least as good a shape as me, and > some even more muscular. Furthermore, they all seemed to drive more impressive > cars than my little Civic……they all probably make more money than me. I > tried dressing my best, got a haircut, put my best pair of shoes on……..but > I still felt very intimidated by the guys I saw going in there. > So Ness, here it is……..if I really thought I was that good-looking, I would > have been able to walk in there confidently, without a problem. I obviously > could not do that…….so it doesn’t really matter what I said in some Googled > post…..the weight of the real world evidence indicates otherwise. > Captain Moron, eat your heart out (again)

{{{{{{{{{Trance}}}}}}}}} You might try again with a buddy next time. Safety in numbers and all that. You’re just not ready right now, and that’s no crime. When you’re ready, you’ll do it. *whispers* and yes, you are a good-looking guy, no BS

Response:

meg <nom…@hotmail.com> wrote: > I promise, the women are at home thinking "I can’t believe I signed up for > this", only they’re also obsessing over what shoes to wear.  :)

Nope.  They’re thinking, "please don’t let them all be a bunch of losers".

Response:

"Wry Bread" <wrybr…@nwlink.REMOVEcom> schrieb im Newsbeitrag news:ut6vfrj9sflj31@corp.supernews.com… > meg <nom…@hotmail.com> wrote: > > I promise, the women are at home thinking "I can’t believe I signed up for > > this", only they’re also obsessing over what shoes to wear.  :) > Nope.  They’re thinking, "please don’t let them all be a bunch of losers".

Well, that too. Wouldn’t you?

Response:

** Trance ** > So Ness, here it is……..if I really thought I was that good-looking, I would > have been able to walk in there confidently, without a problem.

So is being or not being good-looking all there was to it? What about all those worries you had before about what to say, ask, etc? You’ve been here long enough to see how people use their supposed lack of good looks as a safety net to fall back on. If you tell yourself it’s all about looks which you believe you don’t have and are destined to be without (bar cosmetic surgery), you’re just digging a hole for yourself that has a big banner across the walls saying "IT’S POINTLESS TO TRY". And you’ve seen how well that works out for people here. Well, it’s not about your physical appearance – we’ve seen your picture, and even if pictures don’t say everything about someone’s looks, yours is enough to indicate that that’s not where the problem lies. I’m sorry last night didn’t work out; this means though that an event so public as that is something you’re not ready for, and it’d probably be easier if you went ahead with trying to meet women one-on-one rather than a bunch of them in one night for a few minutes only. That, I believe, would be difficult for even a confident person, let alone a shy introvert. The good thing is though that you managed to push yourself enough to make it quite close to going through with it.

Response:

>> I promise, the women are at home thinking "I can’t believe I signed up for >> this", only they’re also obsessing over what shoes to wear.  :) >Nope.  They’re thinking, "please don’t let them all be a bunch of losers".

Yeah, I think Wry is right on this one. And they weren’t…..at least it seemed that they weren’t – they were all tall, well-dressed, drove decent cars, and walked in there like they were hot shit. I would have suffered by comparison. It’s ridiculous that they were all so tall……I’ve never seen that before in this town, I’m not used to feeling like the shortest guy around. They were beefier, too – I’m just a skinny little drink of water. I don’t think it would have worked well. I have a pretty clear understanding of my limitations, and that was obviously way over the line at this point. Now I just hope feeling like shit over this doesn’t set me back in my social endeavors at work. The whole competing with other guys thing really makes me feel shitty. Usually, I just don’t feel I can compete……looks-wise, social status-wise, money-wise, I lose on all counts. Even when I see a girl with a guy, and I’m clearly better looking than the guy, I just assume it’s because he has a lot more money than me, and has more social status.

Response:

>So is being or not being good-looking all there was to it? What about all >those worries you had before about what to say, ask, etc?

I wasn’t even worried about what to say, because I couldn’t even get in the door. And in this case, yes, seeing all those guys made me think I was not good looking enough….I think that if all the guys I saw walking in there were shorter, overweight, and generally dorky looking, I might have been able to go through with it. I did get out of the car and kinda amble toward the place, but I felt about 4 feet tall, and yes, I felt *ugly*. I know how some here have used that as a convenient fall back, but when you’re too ashamed to even show your face, that means you’re feeling pretty ugly.

Response:

** Trance ** > I know how some here have used that as a convenient fall back, > but when you’re too ashamed to even show your face, that means > you’re feeling pretty ugly.

Well, you’re not ugly. So you need to figure out a way to get over feeling like you are, or at least not to let it affect your choices so much. (Yes, I know this isn’t easy.)

Response:

HCBPBD <forer…@yahoo.com> wrote: > > Nope.  They’re thinking, "please don’t let them all be a bunch of losers". > Well, that too. > Wouldn’t you?

If any of them wanted to give me a chance, I’d be happy. If one of them really liked me, I’d be ecstatic. If one of them loved me, I’d be someone else. : P.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -trance…@aol.com (Trance909) wrote in message <news:20021114070341.15043.00004116@mb-ff.aol.com>… > >> I promise, the women are at home thinking "I can’t believe I signed up for > >> this", only they’re also obsessing over what shoes to wear.  :) > >Nope.  They’re thinking, "please don’t let them all be a bunch of losers". > Yeah, I think Wry is right on this one. And they weren’t…..at least it seemed > that they weren’t – they were all tall, well-dressed, drove decent cars, and > walked in there like they were hot shit. I would have suffered by comparison. > It’s ridiculous that they were all so tall……I’ve never seen that before in > this town, I’m not used to feeling like the shortest guy around. They were > beefier, too – I’m just a skinny little drink of water. > I don’t think it would have worked well. I have a pretty clear understanding of > my limitations, and that was obviously way over the line at this point. Now I > just hope feeling like shit over this doesn’t set me back in my social > endeavors at work. The whole competing with other guys thing really makes me > feel shitty. Usually, I just don’t feel I can compete……looks-wise, social > status-wise, money-wise, I lose on all counts. Even when I see a girl with a > guy, and I’m clearly better looking than the guy, I just assume it’s because he > has a lot more money than me, and has more social status.

Trance, you keep insisting that looks/money/social status matter to women, and then you complain that they’re all shallow. Yet you keep playing into it by dressing for success or whatever. You seem sure of yourself in other ways; for example, you’ve explained your preference for Hondas (the same preference about a gazillion other people have) in terms that aren’t shallow at all — good gas mileage, reasonable price… yet now you’re saying it’s not good enough. But you *do* believe it *is* good enough — you’ve said as much! So why the disconnect? It’s as though you’re embarrased about the things you feel strongly about. Isn’t there some way you can say "fuck it" to this idea of *impressing* women? It’s keeping you from meeting people who don’t care where you shop or what kind of car you drive. Maybe you don’t really want to meet those people anyway, though, and that’s why you keep going for the status-seekers? Dunno, just trying to figure you out I’m sorry it didn’t work out like you’d hoped it would. lm

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