Run Run Away

Question:

I suggest a little experience to get rid of your shyness. It’s really fun trip to do and it can really boost your PR (personal relationship) ability. I hope your gonna try it and give me some feed back on how it went. Here the go : – Go to a city close to you but where you never went. (Without any map)      Where do I go you ask me? That is the fun part of it, you don’t really know – Stop in the first gaz station and ask the cashier where you can find a nice coffee. – Go there with the direction he/she gave you. – Once you get there. Get a coffee or something and spot someone alone.      Preferably someone who hasn’t finished (You can also spot a group of 2 or 3) – Walk to him/her or them, just say Hi! I am alone and looking to chat may I sit with you? – It will probably work, if it don’t work don’t worry and just take some news paper and read. – If it work you can talk of a lots of topics. Try to learn whats fun in this city etc… – This is the last step : Enjoy now the new social extroverted person youve became. Don’t ever tell you it’s ridiculous. Just get in your car and go!!!! Without thinking. You should try the fun places youve learned about too. Make some fun!!! JP

Response:

On Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:32:26 GMT, RK <r…@houston.rr.com> wrote:

<snip> I suppose I should post an update. (I meant to do this earlier.) Well, the thing started at 4:30, and I got there about 5 minutes later. Hardly anyone had shown up yet. Since this is after work, most people ended up stopping by a store or restaurant to get some food to bring. So that was cool, since I was one of the few who actually "made" something. Almost everyone brought some kind of dip with chips. The guy who was hosting the party had made an amazing spinach dip. Anyway, it wasn’t that much fun, but it wasn’t that bad, either. The food was good. I barely spoke through the whole thing. :-/ One problem is that a lot of former employees were there spending time reminiscing, and I had no clue what they were talking about since they were before my time. One of the former employees brought his baby. Ohhh … so adorable. One of my co-workers has a baby around the same age. Too bad he didn’t bring her as well — then we would have had *two* babies and it would have been so fun watching them interact. The guy who hosted the party had a really neat house. He’s really into woodwork and has built up a nice deck with walls out back. His wife goes to a lot of antique auctions, etc. So the house and backyard are filled with weird old stuff — old machines, clocks, statues, etc. So when I couldn’t find anyone to talk to, I’d walk around looking at the stuff. I was pretty exhausted by the end of it (about 3 hours later), although I hadn’t really done anything. Social events are *so* draining. Well, it’s over (and has been for a few weeks, lol). Thanks to those who tried to help. — RK

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -RK wrote: > On Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:32:26 GMT, RK <r…@houston.rr.com> wrote: > <snip> > I suppose I should post an update. (I meant to do this earlier.) > Well, the thing started at 4:30, and I got there about 5 minutes > later. Hardly anyone had shown up yet. Since this is after work, most > people ended up stopping by a store or restaurant to get some food to > bring. So that was cool, since I was one of the few who actually > "made" something. Almost everyone brought some kind of dip with chips. > The guy who was hosting the party had made an amazing spinach dip. > Anyway, it wasn’t that much fun, but it wasn’t that bad, either. The > food was good. I barely spoke through the whole thing. :-/ One problem > is that a lot of former employees were there spending time > reminiscing, and I had no clue what they were talking about since they > were before my time. One of the former employees brought his baby. > Ohhh … so adorable. One of my co-workers has a baby around the same > age. Too bad he didn’t bring her as well — then we would have had > *two* babies and it would have been so fun watching them interact. > The guy who hosted the party had a really neat house. He’s really into > woodwork and has built up a nice deck with walls out back. His wife > goes to a lot of antique auctions, etc. So the house and backyard are > filled with weird old stuff — old machines, clocks, statues, etc. So > when I couldn’t find anyone to talk to, I’d walk around looking at the > stuff. > I was pretty exhausted by the end of it (about 3 hours later), > although I hadn’t really done anything. Social events are *so* > draining. > Well, it’s over (and has been for a few weeks, lol). Thanks to those > who tried to help. > — RK

         Glad that it wasn’t that bad August Pamplona — The waterfall in Java is not wet. – omegazero2003 on m.f.w. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.

Response:

RK wrote: > But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything resembling > one for several years. Going out to a restaurant is different, because > you have your chair and can stick to it the entire time. But this is a > party at someone’s *house*, which means I’ll have to walk up to groups > of people and stuff. Ugh.

Yup, I can sympathize.  I dislike the amorphous nature of such parties myself.  I mean, are you just supposed to walk up to people and… do what?  Just start up random conversations? My unease generally correlates with how important it is for me to make a reasonably good impression on the other people (i.e., whether they will think I have the personality of a rock for sitting around, being silent most of the evening).  When I don’t care about the impression I’ll make, I have no problem with these parties (or rather, I find them to be an annoying burden, but not anxiety-producing in any real way).

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -RK wrote: > Oh damn. > One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having a > retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said I would go, > so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye and good luck and all > that good stuff to her on Wednesday (my last workday of the week, > because I work part-time so I can finish my thesis), so I really > should go. And I suppose it’s "good for me" to do things like this, > too. > But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything resembling > one for several years. Going out to a restaurant is different, because > you have your chair and can stick to it the entire time. But this is a > party at someone’s *house*, which means I’ll have to walk up to groups > of people and stuff. Ugh. > I don’t think people will be bringing their kids, either. Having kids > running around makes everything seem more relaxed, not to mention > entertaining. I don’t really like adults-only parties. I haven’t been > to very many. > And here’s another thing — there’s some confusion as to whether or > not it’s a potluck, and I sent an e-mail about it yesterday, but I > have yet to get any additional info. I _need_ to know exactly what’s > going on. Not knowing details until the last minute just makes the > anxiety worse. > I should be working on my thesis right now, but I can’t concentrate. > Guess I’ll hang out online for a while. > Damn damn damn. > *deep breath* > Damn. > — RK

Well you have your thesis as an excuse.. you can go but leave early if you’re not not confortable staying there, at least you’ll have time to say goodbye. If you don’t get any replays to that email just bring something edible for the coworker that’s leaving. Relax

Response:

On Thu, 14 Apr 2005 15:40:59 -0400, "Trim Plus Expert" <trimp…@bellnet.ca> wrote: >Whoa man!!! >Take it easy!!! Have you ever tought of what in this makes you so nervous. >Fear of beign rejected? Why would that happen. Not knowing what to do?

Yes, the latter is a big part of it. Also, any sort of uncertainty makes me nervous — I have never been to this house before, so that makes me nervous (what if I trouble finding it). I didn’t know what to do about food (but I do now), so that made me nervous. Etc. >It’s >easy just relax smile and drink something.

Yes, I have to remember to smile. I always forget that. Thanks for the reminder. >Think that you are in a >restaurant and find someone you know and speak with him/her.

The problem is that people are usually talking in groups, so I would have to walk up to a *group* and interrupt their conversation. Also, I don’t always have something to say. >Nothing more >nothing less. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Are you shy to go to >your job?

Nope. >The same poeple is going to be there so do as usual.

You mean, work? >speak with >those you know walk around like busy and that’s all!!!! >I hope it helps.

Thanks. I think it’ll be OK once I get there. I mean, I may or may not enjoy myself, but the anxiety should go down. — RK

Response:

On 14 Apr 2005 12:53:57 -0700, "Virgo Cluster" <gamma_n…@yahoo.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->RK wrote: >> Oh damn. >> One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having >> a retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said >> I would go, so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye >> and good luck and all that good stuff to her on Wednesday >> (my last workday of the week, because I work part-time so >> I can finish my thesis), so I really should go. And I suppose >> it’s "good for me" to do things like this, too. >> But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything >> resembling one for several years. Going out to a restaurant >> is different, because you have your chair and can stick to >> it the entire time. But this is a party at someone’s *house*, >> which means I’ll have to walk up to groups of people and >> stuff. Ugh. >> I don’t think people will be bringing their kids, either. >> Having kids running around makes everything seem more relaxed, >> not to mention entertaining. I don’t really like adults-only >> parties. I haven’t been to very many. >> And here’s another thing — there’s some confusion as to whether >> or not it’s a potluck, and I sent an e-mail about it yesterday, >> but I have yet to get any additional info. I _need_ to know >> exactly what’s going on. Not knowing details until the last >> minute just makes the anxiety worse. >> I should be working on my thesis right now, but I can’t >> concentrate. Guess I’ll hang out online for a while. >> Damn damn damn. >> *deep breath*1 >> Damn. >It’s kind of short notice, but I wonder if SS would be >interested in going? You’d have him to help you get though >it, he might get some useful job networking out of it, >and you can get the rumor mills at work buzzing about you. >(Guys who might have thought of you as a sister might >start looking at you in a new light.)

Uhh …. no. That would just make it worse. You want me to draw attention to myself like that? And rumors — eek! No thank you! As for guys looking at me "in a new light" … I hope not, considering that most of them are married. >Think about it, huh?

Well, see, I *tried* to think about it, but then my brain threatened to explode, so I stopped. Self-preservation and all, you know. >And if SS winds up going, make sure >you post all the details here!

Thanks for trying to help, Virgo. I’m better now. — RK

Response:

On 14 Apr 2005 16:25:13 -0700, jizzlob…@intergate.com wrote: >RK wrote: >> Oh damn. >> One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having a >> retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said I would go, >> so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye and good luck and all >> that good stuff to her on Wednesday (my last workday of the week, >> because I work part-time so I can finish my thesis), so I really >> should go. And I suppose it’s "good for me" to do things like this, >> too. >I feel your pain, I honestly do. But it might help to remember that >*ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, ITS ABOUT HER*

Indeed it is. Thanks! — RK

Response:

On 14 Apr 2005 20:53:24 -0700, "KC Carter" <newmediapr…@yahoo.com> wrote: <snip> >It sounds like a relatively safe environment.

Yeah, I think it’ll be fine once I’m there. This is the sort of thing that I tend to get more anxious about before than during. >Bring some chocolate chip >cookies. If it’s pot luck, you brought dessert. If not, it’s a gift for >her.

I heard back from the folks planning this thing. It is a potluck after all. The theme is Tex-Mex. I don’t really cook, so I think I’ll make some 7-layer dip. I was originally going to go with guacamole, because, well, because that’s my thing, but that is dependent on finding good fruit, which I’m not sure I can do on this short notice. — RK

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -RK wrote: > On 14 Apr 2005 20:53:24 -0700, "KC Carter" <newmediapr…@yahoo.com> > wrote: > <snip> > >It sounds like a relatively safe environment. > Yeah, I think it’ll be fine once I’m there. This is the sort of thing > that I tend to get more anxious about before than during. > >Bring some chocolate chip > >cookies. If it’s pot luck, you brought dessert. If not, it’s a gift for > >her. > I heard back from the folks planning this thing. It is a potluck after > all. The theme is Tex-Mex. I don’t really cook, so I think I’ll make > some 7-layer dip. I was originally going to go with guacamole, > because, well, because that’s my thing, but that is dependent on > finding good fruit, which I’m not sure I can do on this short notice. > — RK

That gives you something to focus on before you go, and also a point of interest to work from once you’re there. Try to enjoy your time there instead of putting it into the context of trying to overcome your shyness. KC

Response:

On 14 Apr 2005 21:30:43 -0700, "Gray Loser" <gray_lo…@hotmail.com> wrote: >RK wrote: >> But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything resembling >> one for several years. Going out to a restaurant is different, >because >> you have your chair and can stick to it the entire time. But this is >a >> party at someone’s *house*, which means I’ll have to walk up to >groups >> of people and stuff. Ugh. >Yup, I can sympathize.  I dislike the amorphous nature of such parties >myself.  I mean, are you just supposed to walk up to people and… do >what?  Just start up random conversations?

At least if they’re by themselves, and not talking already, you can say "hi, how are you" or whatever, but usually, they’re already in groups engaged in conversation. In that case, you either have to – *gasp* – interrupt, or you can just walk up and stand next to the group. In the latter case, if you can’t find something of your own to contribute, it can get very awkward, not to mention tiring, after a while. >My unease generally correlates with how important it is for me to make >a reasonably good impression on the other people (i.e., whether they >will think I have the personality of a rock for sitting around, being >silent most of the evening).  When I don’t care about the impression >I’ll make, I have no problem with these parties (or rather, I find them >to be an annoying burden, but not anxiety-producing in any real way).

Well, these people know me well enough to not expect much talk from me. Plus, I did clue a few people in on the fact that I wasn’t comfortable with parties over the course of this week. I find that it helps if people already know. The same was true when I had to give presentations for school. If I let some people beforehand know I was nervous, I’d feel better. — RK

Response:

On 14 Apr 2005 21:58:54 -0700, "Xile" <cos…@marihuana.ro> wrote: <snip> >Well you have your thesis as an excuse.. you can go but leave early if >you’re not not confortable staying there, at least you’ll have time to >say goodbye.

That’s another thing. Sometimes I don’t quite know how to leave a social event. Most people will go around and wave and loudly say bye to everyone, but I have trouble with that. But just slipping out doesn’t seem quite appropriate, either, besides, people will notice that, too. >If you don’t get any replays to that email just bring >something edible for the coworker that’s leaving.

I got a reply (see previous responses). >Relax

I’ll try. — RK

Response:

Oh damn. One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having a retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said I would go, so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye and good luck and all that good stuff to her on Wednesday (my last workday of the week, because I work part-time so I can finish my thesis), so I really should go. And I suppose it’s "good for me" to do things like this, too. But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything resembling one for several years. Going out to a restaurant is different, because you have your chair and can stick to it the entire time. But this is a party at someone’s *house*, which means I’ll have to walk up to groups of people and stuff. Ugh. I don’t think people will be bringing their kids, either. Having kids running around makes everything seem more relaxed, not to mention entertaining. I don’t really like adults-only parties. I haven’t been to very many. And here’s another thing — there’s some confusion as to whether or not it’s a potluck, and I sent an e-mail about it yesterday, but I have yet to get any additional info. I _need_ to know exactly what’s going on. Not knowing details until the last minute just makes the anxiety worse. I should be working on my thesis right now, but I can’t concentrate. Guess I’ll hang out online for a while. Damn damn damn. *deep breath* Damn. — RK

Response:

Whoa man!!! Take it easy!!! Have you ever tought of what in this makes you so nervous. Fear of beign rejected? Why would that happen. Not knowing what to do? It’s easy just relax smile and drink something. Think that you are in a restaurant and find someone you know and speak with him/her. Nothing more nothing less. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Are you shy to go to your job? The same poeple is going to be there so do as usual. speak with those you know walk around like busy and that’s all!!!! I hope it helps. JP

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -RK wrote: > Oh damn. > One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having > a retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said > I would go, so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye > and good luck and all that good stuff to her on Wednesday > (my last workday of the week, because I work part-time so > I can finish my thesis), so I really should go. And I suppose > it’s "good for me" to do things like this, too. > But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything > resembling one for several years. Going out to a restaurant > is different, because you have your chair and can stick to > it the entire time. But this is a party at someone’s *house*, > which means I’ll have to walk up to groups of people and > stuff. Ugh. > I don’t think people will be bringing their kids, either. > Having kids running around makes everything seem more relaxed, > not to mention entertaining. I don’t really like adults-only > parties. I haven’t been to very many. > And here’s another thing — there’s some confusion as to whether > or not it’s a potluck, and I sent an e-mail about it yesterday, > but I have yet to get any additional info. I _need_ to know > exactly what’s going on. Not knowing details until the last > minute just makes the anxiety worse. > I should be working on my thesis right now, but I can’t > concentrate. Guess I’ll hang out online for a while. > Damn damn damn. > *deep breath*1 > Damn.

It’s kind of short notice, but I wonder if SS would be interested in going? You’d have him to help you get though it, he might get some useful job networking out of it, and you can get the rumor mills at work buzzing about you. (Guys who might have thought of you as a sister might start looking at you in a new light.) Think about it, huh? And if SS winds up going, make sure you post all the details here! Virgo Cluster . "Stupid Education in the U.S.A. .. .. "Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach." Thus goes the .. the old saying. We take exception to this, as there are many .. fine teachers and other educators out there who are certainly .. doing a great deal — and a great deal of good. .. Of course, there’s a flip side to this … .. .. Facts from Stupid Textbooks; or; What You Learned in .. High School Was Very Probably Wrong .. .. A recent high school textbook devoted only six lines to .. the illustrious father of our country (George Washington, .. in case you’re wondering) but six and a half _pages_ to .. Marilyn Monroe, who of course needs no introduction. .. Another recent textbook has a math problem that begins .. with a sneaker commercial: "Will is saving his allowance .. to buy a pair of Nike (TM) shoes that cost $68.25. If .. Will is making $3.25 a week …" .. .. With low standards like this, it’s no wonder many modern .. textbooks are also filled with typos, misleading statements, .. and just plain errors. Do the authors care? At least one .. doesn’t. One of the authors of Houghton Mifflin’s "History .. of the United States" said he didn’t know that there were .. accuracy problems in his book. No wonder — he didn’t even .. try to see a final manuscript. "For me to read the book and .. check it for factual accuracy simply makes no sense", the .. concerned teacher said. .. .. No sense? Here’s a collection of "facts" as found in various .. textbooks that are or were in print in the 1990’s or early .. 2000’s. They’ve been culled from various angry articles, .. reviews, or e-mails; in some cases, the "facts" have been .. somewhat condensed, but it was all what was reported in the .. press — it’s all true, and that’s a fact, not a "fact". .. .. "Fact" 9 .. .. Napoleon’s greatest victory was at Waterloo. .. .. The True Fact: Close, but not quite. Yes, Napoleon was .. _at_ Waterloo, and yes, it was his greatest something, .. but it was his greatest _defeat_. By modern standards, .. that should rate at least a C+, with two out of three .. correct." .. << Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, "Unusually Stupid .. Americans: A Compendium of All-American Stupidity", .. Villard Books, 2003, pp. 10-11 & 13 >>

Response:

RK wrote: > Oh damn. > One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having a > retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said I would go, > so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye and good luck and all > that good stuff to her on Wednesday (my last workday of the week, > because I work part-time so I can finish my thesis), so I really > should go. And I suppose it’s "good for me" to do things like this, > too.

I feel your pain, I honestly do. But it might help to remember that *ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, ITS ABOUT HER*

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -RK wrote: > Oh damn. > One of the ladies I work with is retiring, and they’re having a > retirement party for her tomorrow evening. I already said I would go, > so I can’t back out. Plus, I never said goodbye and good luck and all > that good stuff to her on Wednesday (my last workday of the week, > because I work part-time so I can finish my thesis), so I really > should go. And I suppose it’s "good for me" to do things like this, > too. > But damn, I hate parties, and I haven’t been to anything resembling > one for several years. Going out to a restaurant is different, because > you have your chair and can stick to it the entire time. But this is a > party at someone’s *house*, which means I’ll have to walk up to groups > of people and stuff. Ugh. > I don’t think people will be bringing their kids, either. Having kids > running around makes everything seem more relaxed, not to mention > entertaining. I don’t really like adults-only parties. I haven’t been > to very many. > And here’s another thing — there’s some confusion as to whether or > not it’s a potluck, and I sent an e-mail about it yesterday, but I > have yet to get any additional info. I _need_ to know exactly what’s > going on. Not knowing details until the last minute just makes the > anxiety worse. > I should be working on my thesis right now, but I can’t concentrate. > Guess I’ll hang out online for a while. > Damn damn damn. > *deep breath* > Damn. > — RK

It sounds like a relatively safe environment. Bring some chocolate chip cookies. If it’s pot luck, you brought dessert. If not, it’s a gift for her. KC

Response: